Trump subjects Kiwi education radicals to an executive order


Good morning.

Is that Kelvin Smythe of Cambridge?


Stand by for a call from the president of the United States of America.



I am unbelievably disappointed that you and your bunch of education bad dudes have made a dumb deal with the previous administration, the dumbest ever, badly crafted, the worst ever, and a great threat to the United States, the greatest ever.

I want to tell you that I have spoken today to Putin and the leaders of Kazakhstan, Moldova, and Bulgaria and this is the worst phone call, the worst ever.

You wouldn’t be talking about a private teacher exchange of four primary school teachers?

No I’m not talking about it, I’m shouting about it.

And I’m not talking about four teachers; I’m talking about really bad dudes who could be baddest ever.

But the delegation is headed by Liz Horgan of St Joseph’s School who was on the Queen’s honours list.

Have you got Somalians in your country?

Yes – a few.

Well, how do we know she’s not one of those, or the front for some?

There could be a Boston Bomber amongst them.

They’re going to California.

Even so, we don’t want Californian Bombers either.

Are you for real?

Yes. I’m the @realDonaldTrump I don’t think you understand I had the biggest win ever, and the biggest inauguration attendance ever, leaving aside the picture of a camera set to miss out every second person. I’m the biggest, greatest so get with it pipsqueak.

I don’t want that Islamist Liz Horgan posing as a Catholic and her bunch of bombers coming over here, even if they aren’t.  It would make me look stupid.

Be warned I have a twitter ready for release: ‘Do you believe it? The Obama administration and his ‘education’ officials agreed to take hundreds of terrorists posing as exchange teachers. Why? I will study this dumb deal.’

Meanwhile, you and the radicals you are associated with are subject to an executive order.

And when I visit your Queen soon and talk to your prime minister Teresa or is it Theresa May I will be bringing the matter up.

(Thanks to Doug Hislop for the image)

Update – thanks to Daryl Aim for this cartoon.


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5 Responses to Trump subjects Kiwi education radicals to an executive order

  1. Bruce Hammonds says:

    Are we mixed up with post truth, false news or alternative facts here?

  2. Kelvin says:

    Who knows? we are all so confused. And, anyway, before we know, false news becomes actual news.

  3. Kelvin says:

    An American academic friend writes:

    First, your satire was brilliant, spot on.

    Dear Kelvin –

    You Kiwis must think we Yanks have gone over the cliff. The first two weeks of Trump and his Republican Congress have yielded daily surprises – shock after shock, dismantling our environmental protections, gagging our government scientists, insulting other world leaders, 60,000 visas revoked, 75,000 severely mentally ill people now ready to be armed as previous restrictions eliminated, coal debris going back in our water, just one thing after another. Lies fly out of the White House like flocks of pigeons. It is embarrassing – and the imminent approval (Monday) of “Mrs Amway” Betsy DeVos as Secretary of Education is simply appalling. Totally unfit. A rich billionaire with ZERO education knowledge has no business buying herself a Cabinet seat. Her lifelong efforts have been to privatize the common school under the guise of parental “choice.” She supports issuing vouchers to parents and let them use them for private schooling. For a good read on DeVos and the Amway family $$$, their “contributions” to nutcase right wing causes and their association with the Kochs see Jane Mayer’s “Dirty Money.” The oilmen Koch Brothers and their alliance of rich friends, including the DeVos and her husband, have a very deep interest in tailoring education policy. They have funded chairs at a number of universities; in particular, George Mason Uni in Virginia, conditional to control over the appointments. Dirty politics.

    But for a turn of phrase can you beat this about our narcissistic leader?

    “Our new president, a 70-year-old with orange-tinted skin and hair that Penn Jillette has likened to “cotton candy made of piss,” is, as Trump often reminds us, “very good looking.” He has almost no intellectual accomplishments—he knows little of history, politics, law, philosophy, art or governance—but insists ‘[m]y IQ is one of the highest—and you all know it! Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault.” And the mediocrities and half-wits he has installed in his Cabinet have “by far the highest IQ of any Cabinet ever assembled.’ It is an avalanche of absurdities.”

  4. Vern Stevens says:


  5. Phil T says:

    All of us older folk have sat and smugly explained to the younger generation about how much progress has been made over our lifetime and suddenly this halfwit comes along and wipes away all those claims in a blink of an eye. And we all sit stunned and wonder how could it have happened. Don’t we live in a world of knowledge and information?
    Or is it just the next step when some people have amassed so much money they need another challenge?

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